These two bald eagles apparently were fighting over territory mid-air. I suppose their anger got the best of them; with talons entwined they crash landed on the runway of the Duluth, Minnesota airport. Animal rescuers managed to detangle them...one flew off while the other remained behind for treatment and recovery. Both survived.
Out of control...I would agree...it does remind me of so many unmanaged conflict cycles. We've all experienced them...like these bald eagles...we wake up on the ground stunned by how quickly things escalated. Didn't see that coming!
Recently I had a conversation with a Kindergarten teacher. As we talked about the ideas of restorative justice and discipline, our conversation led to the idea of self-awareness. She mentioned, through her own self reflection, that she was planning for the upcoming year to schedule into each day an intentional time for the children to stop and check in with themselves to see how they were feeling...a self-awareness strategy to offset escalating feelings of anger that tend to blindside (sound familiar).
I decided to try this out in one of my classes. (I am a big fan of talking about the strategies and the rationale in kid-friendly language while trying out the skills. Kids seem to really like this and react as if they have suddenly become privy to adult conversation.) The class had a recognizable tension, but the students were very engaged. I discussed the unmanaged conflict cycle with them. Though a primary grade, the light in their eyes reflected understanding.
I drew a graph on the board and described the stages (above) of the conflict cycle. In the first stage, the beginning tension stage, feelings of unsettledness and confusion emerge. If by-passed, feelings escalate and injustices begin to be collected. Every look, every statement, every action is interpreted through this lens. One example refers to this stage as snowball collecting. The kids really liked that visual as they thought about a giant snowball fight...secretly collecting power packed snowballs ready to be unleashed at the most unpredictable moment for maximum impact. Though a younger grade, this class clearly understood the peak of the escalation of the conflict and could draw parallels to their own times of anger. The last stage diminishes in intensity but, in the absence of interpersonal or self awareness and conflict resolution strategies, adjustments are made without resolution to prevent future incidences. Many people live in a state of new adjustment, but it may be a bit frustrating.
For kids, the feeling is the elusive, frustrated, "can't put my finger on it, " but " it just doesn't feel good like it used to"...feeling. As the illustration below describes, the new adjustment may lead to a perpetual power struggle.THE EXPERIMENT
I had the students draw their own 5 column cycle on a "post it" note and keep it on top of their desks. Throughout the day we stopped and I would ask them to think about their feelings at that moment. My purpose was to begin to train them in self-awareness by checking in and asking the question(s)..."How am I feeling?" and "Why?" Answering these questions before reacting can be a powerful deterrent to escalation. I am convinced that this repeated exercise leads to a new habit. The students caught on quickly and were amazingly intuitive. The eagles could take a few lessons.
written by R. Hearnsberger
Adapted from Claassen, Ron and Dalton Reimer. 2003 "Basic Institute in Conflict Management and Mediation -A Manual" Fresno: Center for Peacemaking, Fresno Pacific University.
Picture adapted from FPU Peacemaking and Conflict Studies Facebook Page
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